So, I realized I haven't been on here since the end of September, which is so terrible! SO many things have happened. Really great things and really hard things. I am so blessed I will have a couple of weeks at home where I can post much more and hopefully update you too!
People have been asking me a question a lot lately and it bugs me like no other! I figured I'd write a post about it and hopefully my thoughts will make sense and my thinking will as well.
There's something that really bugs me about Christians. And its relationships. It seems as though so many Christians have their take on a time line and when is an appropriate length to date and then get engaged and then married. I don't agree with any of it at all, if I'm being completely honest. And some will say we got married because we knew we couldn't be pure anymore if we waited...well then where's the self-control? Anyways, that's one point that I won't talk about! Matt and I have such a different take on dating as Christians. Some will agree, some will disagree, but ultimately its God who agrees with us. And you may be asking yourself why is Tara even posting this? Well, because Matt and I have been dating for over 3 years and everyone always asks us why are you waiting? Or, why aren't you engaged yet? Or, why wait?
Here is our answer...
We love God! Matt and I are committed to loving God and serving him above ALL else, even one another. God commands us to do this! (Matt 6:33)
We also know that we would be selfish if we were to be engaged and married now because well it just isn't what God wants for us. We highly value God's timing. I think so many people just rush into things in life, and not just marriage. Matt and I KNOW marriage is probably the second most life-changing and hardest decisions we will ever make in life (besides surrendering our lives to Jesus). To us, God honors us when we wait for his perfect timing. He does! He works out all things so that he may be glorified and that is exactly what Matt and I want. When the time is God's timing, we will know, and he will be glorified so much more than if we rushed into everything! (Heb 6:12, Isaiah 40:31).
We love knowing each other. I think a fear we both have is not knowing one another well enough. We are daily learning about each others strengths, weaknesses, sins, goals, dreams, etc. AND WE LOVE IT!!!! And I know we won't know each other well enough until we are living together. We are able to work through conflict and understand how to problem solve together. It stinks at times but after it is so rewarding and we see God's hand working through us! We really want to make sure we understand one another and love each other. (Eph 4:32)
We love each other, a lot. Some Christians worry about saying "I love you" or letting the other person know how much you truly love them until you are married. While I think this has its own ups and downs, Matt and I just don't agree with it! We are called to love one another and to be open about it. And Matt and I waited for a very long time until we finally professed that we loved each other, but it was in God's perfect timing!!!! We love each other through the hurts, the shame, the guilt, the joy, the sadness, the excitement, the grace, and the truth of our relationship and we wouldn't have it any other way! (John 13:34, John 15:17)
We DO have a desire to get married, oh trust me! I cannot WAIT until Matt and I are married one day. Our biggest dream is to have a family surrendered to Jesus and loving one another. We know God wants us to be together and that we will be married. Marriage is a desire for us both and God will bless us, we just love taking things slow and growing together as people and Christians. (Psalm 37:4)
Our plans are never our plans. I laugh when I write this last one! Matt and I have had our own plans in our head before with a timeline but last summer we talked about how our plans really aren't ours, they are God's. That we must walk BY FAITH and help one another trust in God's timing. If God were to say to Matt now is the time to ask Tara to be your wife, he would be obedient and do it. God continues to change his plans for our lives. I never thought I would be interning with Cru at this time last year and that was God's timing and plan and put "my plan for marriage" back a bit. And Matt is now starting his graduate program and that is 1.5 year. While we could be engaged and married during this time we just don't know! And we want to honor God. Like I said before, we are committed to God first and foremost and when he continues to change our direction in life, we will follow him first, always!
So, with all of that being said we wait! I love this verse in 2 Timothy 4:7, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." Matt encouraged me with this last year when many of our close friends were getting engaged. Sometimes I think there is something very wrong with me when many of the girls around me are getting married. BUT! God constantly reminds me that it isn't about that at all. Its about trusting in his perfect timing and continuing to walk by faith...having faith in God and faith in each other. Matt and I believe that if we continue walking with God and waiting for him, we will be married, and our marriage will hopefully reflect this verse by being faithful to one another and fighting for each other.
Nothing annoys me more than when people ask when we are "finally going to get engaged." I know what we value and I think many people don't realize what all of that is! We love being set apart and different. We love knowing each other and learning more about each other. We are best friends and there is nothing better than knowing you are with your best friend! We value what we have so very much...the stories and the trials, and the fact that we've been dating for over 3 years is such a testimony of God! When we started dating we were still young Christians, new to our faith and now look at where we are. Its absolutely beautiful and God created our story to be ours :) There is no rush because reality is if Jesus comes back before we get married he comes back and we enter into his heavenly kingdom where marriage matters some but I don't think we will remember at all :) We will continue to walk by faith and choose God's timing over ours because that is what this life is all about!
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
A Settledness
Well, the month of September came and went. September is one of my busiest months of the year because Matt and I celebrate our anniversary, my birthday happens to fall in the middle of September, and the beginning of every school year is always hectic.
However, this September while hectic it was, was different. I found myself trying to adjust to my new job and understanding exactly what it is I am doing. Many times I was overwhelmed and cried. And not just teary eyed crying but sobbing like a river was flowing down my cheeks onto my neck and landing on my shirt. I am also a person who doesn't like to cry and see it as a weakness so of course I thought there was something terribly wrong with me. However, about half way through the month my coach Tracy really encouraged me with something revolutionary. She asked me, "Tara, are you measuring your success by how many people you talk to and share the gospel? Because that isn't how God measures success."
BAM! I was smacked in the face with reality but the heart issue I'd been praying and asking God to reveal to me. Ever since I can remember I've always measured my success by how the world views success. In my case, with my new job, the world would measure my success by how often and how many people I talk to. In God's eyes, He doesn't work with numbers. God simply wants us to walk in the power of the Holy Spirit and trust Him. Whether I talk to one person or twenty people in one week is up to His plan and His discernment.
As I have been meditating and spending a lot more time in God's Word, I have come to realize two of the biggest things I've learned in the past 4 weeks:
1. I am a sinner and do not deserve anything God is giving me or doing through me BUT it is because of His love and grace. Jesus' death on the cross has become so much bigger in my life. The other day I was reading Luke and as Jesus was being nailed to the cross, there were men who were mocking him and spitting on him. Jesus asked God to forgive their sins...even when they were hurting him! If that isn't sacrificial love then I don't know what is! I've been blessed this month by so many things...friends who really love me and celebrated my life on my birthday, my Matt who is such a godly man who really does love me and wants to be with me, a trip home to New Hampshire to see my family, sacrificial parents who would do anything for me in a heartbeat, and an awesome staff team who cares more about how I am doing than what I am doing. I am so undeserving and have been humbled more than ever in my life. Thank you God!
2. Without God I am weak and weary. There have been times this month where I have tried to do many things my own way or in my own power..I've failed. And each time I fail I just laugh at myself and say, "Really Tara? You thought you could do this!" I'm learning. And its hard but its making me grow into the woman of God I truly desire to be. At first when I failed I cried and was miserable now when I fail I laugh, pray for the truth, ask for forgiveness, and move forward. I'm not stagnant and I'm not going backwards. Its so funny how we really think we can do things on our own. If I've learned anything this month it has been this: I MUST daily turn to God through prayer and His Word for my cup to be filled. He is my satisfaction and my joy. I only receive the strength, the wisdom, and the love I need from Him and Him alone. He is my rock and I have to constantly remind myself that in Him I can do anything and have all I need but apart from Him I am weak and weary and will fail.
...and this is just the beginning to a life long process of becoming mature and complete in Christ alone :)
Enjoy some pictures of highlights from this month!
However, this September while hectic it was, was different. I found myself trying to adjust to my new job and understanding exactly what it is I am doing. Many times I was overwhelmed and cried. And not just teary eyed crying but sobbing like a river was flowing down my cheeks onto my neck and landing on my shirt. I am also a person who doesn't like to cry and see it as a weakness so of course I thought there was something terribly wrong with me. However, about half way through the month my coach Tracy really encouraged me with something revolutionary. She asked me, "Tara, are you measuring your success by how many people you talk to and share the gospel? Because that isn't how God measures success."
BAM! I was smacked in the face with reality but the heart issue I'd been praying and asking God to reveal to me. Ever since I can remember I've always measured my success by how the world views success. In my case, with my new job, the world would measure my success by how often and how many people I talk to. In God's eyes, He doesn't work with numbers. God simply wants us to walk in the power of the Holy Spirit and trust Him. Whether I talk to one person or twenty people in one week is up to His plan and His discernment.
As I have been meditating and spending a lot more time in God's Word, I have come to realize two of the biggest things I've learned in the past 4 weeks:
1. I am a sinner and do not deserve anything God is giving me or doing through me BUT it is because of His love and grace. Jesus' death on the cross has become so much bigger in my life. The other day I was reading Luke and as Jesus was being nailed to the cross, there were men who were mocking him and spitting on him. Jesus asked God to forgive their sins...even when they were hurting him! If that isn't sacrificial love then I don't know what is! I've been blessed this month by so many things...friends who really love me and celebrated my life on my birthday, my Matt who is such a godly man who really does love me and wants to be with me, a trip home to New Hampshire to see my family, sacrificial parents who would do anything for me in a heartbeat, and an awesome staff team who cares more about how I am doing than what I am doing. I am so undeserving and have been humbled more than ever in my life. Thank you God!
2. Without God I am weak and weary. There have been times this month where I have tried to do many things my own way or in my own power..I've failed. And each time I fail I just laugh at myself and say, "Really Tara? You thought you could do this!" I'm learning. And its hard but its making me grow into the woman of God I truly desire to be. At first when I failed I cried and was miserable now when I fail I laugh, pray for the truth, ask for forgiveness, and move forward. I'm not stagnant and I'm not going backwards. Its so funny how we really think we can do things on our own. If I've learned anything this month it has been this: I MUST daily turn to God through prayer and His Word for my cup to be filled. He is my satisfaction and my joy. I only receive the strength, the wisdom, and the love I need from Him and Him alone. He is my rock and I have to constantly remind myself that in Him I can do anything and have all I need but apart from Him I am weak and weary and will fail.
...and this is just the beginning to a life long process of becoming mature and complete in Christ alone :)
Enjoy some pictures of highlights from this month!
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| Over 250 students have been coming to Salisbury Cru on Thursday nights! |
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| Happy Anniversary and birthday to me! |
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| Celebrating my birthday with friends at UNO'S |
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| A relaxing trip home to New Hampshire :) |
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| I was able to see my Mom...my hero and best friend! |
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Figuring all this out
I just looked at my most recent post and realized it is from a very, very long time ago! You could say my life has been anything but normal lately. Its been quite fast-paced and unlike anything I have ever done and unlike what the average person living in this world would say as well. On August 1st, I officially became an intern with Cru. Well, what does that mean? My job is to talk to students about spiritual things and to help students take their next step in their faith to help them grow. Now, I think that is a pretty sweet job! I go to campus every single day from about 12 to 5 and talk to students, train some leaders, and meet new people.
This week was the beginning of actually being on campus and you can say I was more than a little overwhelmed. I had no idea what I was actually doing on campus and the reality of my job finally smacked me in the face. I was nervous. I was scared. I was alone.
I think that is the worst feeling in the whole world...feeling alone. And not to mention my biggest fear in life is being alone and never being married or having a family, etc, etc. Monday I felt completely alone and confused. BUT! God quickly changed my heart as I went to sit and pray outside. I was watching the hundreds of college students walking past me. Some of them are probably Christians. Some think they walk the Christian life but don't understand the personal relationship aspect. Some of those students party and could care less about God. Some students believe their is no God. BUT then I remembered my whole purpose of joining Cru and becoming an intern. There were students that were walking by me who have NEVER heard of Jesus or God or had the opportunity to receive Jesus into their hearts. God grabbed ahold of my fear once again and grounded me in His promise that I am never alone and that the calling He has given me is so much more powerful than just interning with Cru.
For the past two days we have had tables set up around campus trying to draw students in. We have free things (candy, waterbottles, freezypops, etc.) The only catch: students take a quick 30 second survey to see where they are at spiritually. Well, I haven't counted all the surveys yet but 23 female freshmen filled out those surveys! Praise God!!!! And many of them rated their spiritual walk right now being anywhere from a 7 to 10. My job now is to follow through with those females and grab a cup of coffee or just meet somewhere and talk about where they are in their faith and for many of them present the gospel and go through assurance of salvation. WOW! And here I was on Monday totally freaking out about what I was supposed to be doing. I am both anxious and excited. My desire is that these women would really want to meet up and talk about their faith or spiritual things in general. Can you image if all 23 of those women make a decision for Christ and become part of the movement at Salisbury?! God can do it. All things are possible for Him as long as we are faithful and obedient.
Today, as I woke up again my stomach was churning with nerves and just fear. If you know me at all, you know I get so extremely nervous and this is a normal feeling for me...thanks Mom for passing this down to me! Even before I opened my bible I was praying God would use His Word to renew me and comfort me. Psalm 85 comes after Psalm 84, which I read yesterday so I went right there. Psalm 85 talks about how God shows favor to His land, how He restores us and forgives ALL our iniquities. David is praying God would revive the people that God would show them His unfailing love. David reaffirms and tells himself that he will listen to what God says that God promises peace to His people and His faithful servants. That is exactly what God is doing to me right now in this exact moment...I am reaffirming to myself that God listens to my prayers and His peace is comforting me far beyond what I need.
David goes on to say, "The Lord will indeed give what is good, and our land will yield its harvest. Righteousness goes before him and prepares the way for his steps."
God gives me what is good, gives us what is good! Our land yields from its harvest. In the same way, Salisbury University and the Eastern Shore will yield from its harvest. If I am being obedient and daily sharing my faith and talking to students about spiritual things, how can God not show up? He will yield fruit from the harvest. And the coolest thing for me is that God goes before me. He prepares my way! God has already prepared the way for today when I take students out with me and we go talk to people. He has prepared tonight at Cru. He knows exactly who will be coming and why they are there. God is too good to us. We deserve nothing but because of His unfailing love and His master plan, He chooses to use us. Thank you God. Thank you for loving me and choosing me to be a part of your Great Commission and master plan.
This week was the beginning of actually being on campus and you can say I was more than a little overwhelmed. I had no idea what I was actually doing on campus and the reality of my job finally smacked me in the face. I was nervous. I was scared. I was alone.
I think that is the worst feeling in the whole world...feeling alone. And not to mention my biggest fear in life is being alone and never being married or having a family, etc, etc. Monday I felt completely alone and confused. BUT! God quickly changed my heart as I went to sit and pray outside. I was watching the hundreds of college students walking past me. Some of them are probably Christians. Some think they walk the Christian life but don't understand the personal relationship aspect. Some of those students party and could care less about God. Some students believe their is no God. BUT then I remembered my whole purpose of joining Cru and becoming an intern. There were students that were walking by me who have NEVER heard of Jesus or God or had the opportunity to receive Jesus into their hearts. God grabbed ahold of my fear once again and grounded me in His promise that I am never alone and that the calling He has given me is so much more powerful than just interning with Cru.
For the past two days we have had tables set up around campus trying to draw students in. We have free things (candy, waterbottles, freezypops, etc.) The only catch: students take a quick 30 second survey to see where they are at spiritually. Well, I haven't counted all the surveys yet but 23 female freshmen filled out those surveys! Praise God!!!! And many of them rated their spiritual walk right now being anywhere from a 7 to 10. My job now is to follow through with those females and grab a cup of coffee or just meet somewhere and talk about where they are in their faith and for many of them present the gospel and go through assurance of salvation. WOW! And here I was on Monday totally freaking out about what I was supposed to be doing. I am both anxious and excited. My desire is that these women would really want to meet up and talk about their faith or spiritual things in general. Can you image if all 23 of those women make a decision for Christ and become part of the movement at Salisbury?! God can do it. All things are possible for Him as long as we are faithful and obedient.
Today, as I woke up again my stomach was churning with nerves and just fear. If you know me at all, you know I get so extremely nervous and this is a normal feeling for me...thanks Mom for passing this down to me! Even before I opened my bible I was praying God would use His Word to renew me and comfort me. Psalm 85 comes after Psalm 84, which I read yesterday so I went right there. Psalm 85 talks about how God shows favor to His land, how He restores us and forgives ALL our iniquities. David is praying God would revive the people that God would show them His unfailing love. David reaffirms and tells himself that he will listen to what God says that God promises peace to His people and His faithful servants. That is exactly what God is doing to me right now in this exact moment...I am reaffirming to myself that God listens to my prayers and His peace is comforting me far beyond what I need.
David goes on to say, "The Lord will indeed give what is good, and our land will yield its harvest. Righteousness goes before him and prepares the way for his steps."
God gives me what is good, gives us what is good! Our land yields from its harvest. In the same way, Salisbury University and the Eastern Shore will yield from its harvest. If I am being obedient and daily sharing my faith and talking to students about spiritual things, how can God not show up? He will yield fruit from the harvest. And the coolest thing for me is that God goes before me. He prepares my way! God has already prepared the way for today when I take students out with me and we go talk to people. He has prepared tonight at Cru. He knows exactly who will be coming and why they are there. God is too good to us. We deserve nothing but because of His unfailing love and His master plan, He chooses to use us. Thank you God. Thank you for loving me and choosing me to be a part of your Great Commission and master plan.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
God is my only hope
There have been so many times in the past two weeks where people have let me down. They make plans and then cancel. They tell me I'm so special and important yet fail to actually spend time with me. Every time someone says no and just doesn't show up, I feel so unimportant. Left out. Used. Hurt. Angry. Frustrated.
Want to know the best thing of all? God is my only hope. I've realized I have been placing my hope in other people. I have been relying on others to not only bring me joy but to fill that empty void and to satisfy myself in spending time with them. Its so hard for me especially since my love language is quality time! How is a girl supposed to feel loved and accepted and wanted by others if it just doesn't happen and quality time is her love language?! That I am still trying to figure out! However, I DO know that because my love language is quality time, I receive God's love by spending tons of time in his word, praying, and just meditating on who he is as my Father BUT also as my lover.
God never disappoints me. There are times when I feel so small and left out by many of my best friends and even my boyfriend. I feel walked on because they all assume I will be fine if they say yes but then change their mind to no or just don't show up. Honestly, it sucks! It hurts so bad that all I want to do is run and not look back until the tears are done falling and I can have a conversation moving us to forgive one another and work to better love each other.
Reality is, first, guys don't have that type of mind! Women move to fix problems and create peace. We hate confrontation but also know its the only way to resolve conflict. We can't sleep if we aren't talking to a friend or upset about something. Most normal men can have stuff that bothers them and go days without talking about it. They also just don't think of peace and jump to fixing problems like women do. Trying to be content and not worry about what my boyfriend says to me and how he doesn't always show up is something I have been struggling with, A LOT. But, I also know that my God is my true love and meets me 100% where my boyfriend falls. That it isn't fair to place all of that pressure on him and that my hope should NOT be found in my boyfriend but solely in GOD ALONE.
Second, our hope with anyone-friends, relationships, family, etc.-should only be found in God. God is our hope. Hope we see is no hope at all. I love that verse in Romans! I must hope for what I do not have and wait for it patiently. Why hope for what I already have?! This is where my faith comes in because my faith is all about hoping. There are so many things I hope for and that have been on my mind lately....especially in regards to my future. God tells me to not even worry about that because he works all things out for my good and has plans to prosper me and to give me a future filled with hope and him. What comfort!
If you're struggling with people letting you down and feeling insignificant, know that God is our only hope. We should be placing that hope in our GOD ALONE. Check your heart. See if you truly are seeking your Abba and finding your satisfaction through him only. The condition of your heart often tells you where you are in your walk....
Want to know the best thing of all? God is my only hope. I've realized I have been placing my hope in other people. I have been relying on others to not only bring me joy but to fill that empty void and to satisfy myself in spending time with them. Its so hard for me especially since my love language is quality time! How is a girl supposed to feel loved and accepted and wanted by others if it just doesn't happen and quality time is her love language?! That I am still trying to figure out! However, I DO know that because my love language is quality time, I receive God's love by spending tons of time in his word, praying, and just meditating on who he is as my Father BUT also as my lover.
God never disappoints me. There are times when I feel so small and left out by many of my best friends and even my boyfriend. I feel walked on because they all assume I will be fine if they say yes but then change their mind to no or just don't show up. Honestly, it sucks! It hurts so bad that all I want to do is run and not look back until the tears are done falling and I can have a conversation moving us to forgive one another and work to better love each other.
Reality is, first, guys don't have that type of mind! Women move to fix problems and create peace. We hate confrontation but also know its the only way to resolve conflict. We can't sleep if we aren't talking to a friend or upset about something. Most normal men can have stuff that bothers them and go days without talking about it. They also just don't think of peace and jump to fixing problems like women do. Trying to be content and not worry about what my boyfriend says to me and how he doesn't always show up is something I have been struggling with, A LOT. But, I also know that my God is my true love and meets me 100% where my boyfriend falls. That it isn't fair to place all of that pressure on him and that my hope should NOT be found in my boyfriend but solely in GOD ALONE.
Second, our hope with anyone-friends, relationships, family, etc.-should only be found in God. God is our hope. Hope we see is no hope at all. I love that verse in Romans! I must hope for what I do not have and wait for it patiently. Why hope for what I already have?! This is where my faith comes in because my faith is all about hoping. There are so many things I hope for and that have been on my mind lately....especially in regards to my future. God tells me to not even worry about that because he works all things out for my good and has plans to prosper me and to give me a future filled with hope and him. What comfort!
If you're struggling with people letting you down and feeling insignificant, know that God is our only hope. We should be placing that hope in our GOD ALONE. Check your heart. See if you truly are seeking your Abba and finding your satisfaction through him only. The condition of your heart often tells you where you are in your walk....
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