However, this September while hectic it was, was different. I found myself trying to adjust to my new job and understanding exactly what it is I am doing. Many times I was overwhelmed and cried. And not just teary eyed crying but sobbing like a river was flowing down my cheeks onto my neck and landing on my shirt. I am also a person who doesn't like to cry and see it as a weakness so of course I thought there was something terribly wrong with me. However, about half way through the month my coach Tracy really encouraged me with something revolutionary. She asked me, "Tara, are you measuring your success by how many people you talk to and share the gospel? Because that isn't how God measures success."
BAM! I was smacked in the face with reality but the heart issue I'd been praying and asking God to reveal to me. Ever since I can remember I've always measured my success by how the world views success. In my case, with my new job, the world would measure my success by how often and how many people I talk to. In God's eyes, He doesn't work with numbers. God simply wants us to walk in the power of the Holy Spirit and trust Him. Whether I talk to one person or twenty people in one week is up to His plan and His discernment.
As I have been meditating and spending a lot more time in God's Word, I have come to realize two of the biggest things I've learned in the past 4 weeks:
1. I am a sinner and do not deserve anything God is giving me or doing through me BUT it is because of His love and grace. Jesus' death on the cross has become so much bigger in my life. The other day I was reading Luke and as Jesus was being nailed to the cross, there were men who were mocking him and spitting on him. Jesus asked God to forgive their sins...even when they were hurting him! If that isn't sacrificial love then I don't know what is! I've been blessed this month by so many things...friends who really love me and celebrated my life on my birthday, my Matt who is such a godly man who really does love me and wants to be with me, a trip home to New Hampshire to see my family, sacrificial parents who would do anything for me in a heartbeat, and an awesome staff team who cares more about how I am doing than what I am doing. I am so undeserving and have been humbled more than ever in my life. Thank you God!
2. Without God I am weak and weary. There have been times this month where I have tried to do many things my own way or in my own power..I've failed. And each time I fail I just laugh at myself and say, "Really Tara? You thought you could do this!" I'm learning. And its hard but its making me grow into the woman of God I truly desire to be. At first when I failed I cried and was miserable now when I fail I laugh, pray for the truth, ask for forgiveness, and move forward. I'm not stagnant and I'm not going backwards. Its so funny how we really think we can do things on our own. If I've learned anything this month it has been this: I MUST daily turn to God through prayer and His Word for my cup to be filled. He is my satisfaction and my joy. I only receive the strength, the wisdom, and the love I need from Him and Him alone. He is my rock and I have to constantly remind myself that in Him I can do anything and have all I need but apart from Him I am weak and weary and will fail.
...and this is just the beginning to a life long process of becoming mature and complete in Christ alone :)
Enjoy some pictures of highlights from this month!
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| Over 250 students have been coming to Salisbury Cru on Thursday nights! |
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| Happy Anniversary and birthday to me! |
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| Celebrating my birthday with friends at UNO'S |
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| A relaxing trip home to New Hampshire :) |
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| I was able to see my Mom...my hero and best friend! |
