There have been so many times in the past two weeks where people have let me down. They make plans and then cancel. They tell me I'm so special and important yet fail to actually spend time with me. Every time someone says no and just doesn't show up, I feel so unimportant. Left out. Used. Hurt. Angry. Frustrated.
Want to know the best thing of all? God is my only hope. I've realized I have been placing my hope in other people. I have been relying on others to not only bring me joy but to fill that empty void and to satisfy myself in spending time with them. Its so hard for me especially since my love language is quality time! How is a girl supposed to feel loved and accepted and wanted by others if it just doesn't happen and quality time is her love language?! That I am still trying to figure out! However, I DO know that because my love language is quality time, I receive God's love by spending tons of time in his word, praying, and just meditating on who he is as my Father BUT also as my lover.
God never disappoints me. There are times when I feel so small and left out by many of my best friends and even my boyfriend. I feel walked on because they all assume I will be fine if they say yes but then change their mind to no or just don't show up. Honestly, it sucks! It hurts so bad that all I want to do is run and not look back until the tears are done falling and I can have a conversation moving us to forgive one another and work to better love each other.
Reality is, first, guys don't have that type of mind! Women move to fix problems and create peace. We hate confrontation but also know its the only way to resolve conflict. We can't sleep if we aren't talking to a friend or upset about something. Most normal men can have stuff that bothers them and go days without talking about it. They also just don't think of peace and jump to fixing problems like women do. Trying to be content and not worry about what my boyfriend says to me and how he doesn't always show up is something I have been struggling with, A LOT. But, I also know that my God is my true love and meets me 100% where my boyfriend falls. That it isn't fair to place all of that pressure on him and that my hope should NOT be found in my boyfriend but solely in GOD ALONE.
Second, our hope with anyone-friends, relationships, family, etc.-should only be found in God. God is our hope. Hope we see is no hope at all. I love that verse in Romans! I must hope for what I do not have and wait for it patiently. Why hope for what I already have?! This is where my faith comes in because my faith is all about hoping. There are so many things I hope for and that have been on my mind lately....especially in regards to my future. God tells me to not even worry about that because he works all things out for my good and has plans to prosper me and to give me a future filled with hope and him. What comfort!
If you're struggling with people letting you down and feeling insignificant, know that God is our only hope. We should be placing that hope in our GOD ALONE. Check your heart. See if you truly are seeking your Abba and finding your satisfaction through him only. The condition of your heart often tells you where you are in your walk....
