Pictures worth a thousand words

 This the room I have been staying in...I'm sharing it with the other student staff Jenna! The 4 interns are living together in The Darby, which has been another wonderful blessing!

 Two of my small group girls are sharing soularium with people.

 During my quiet time on the bay the sun was setting and I just had to take a shot! Sooo beautiful!

 Jenna has been a HUGE blessing in my life! She came here last summer as a student and returned as student staff. We have gotten very close and have shared many many many memories here.

 This is my small group :) These girls are all so different but love one another like crazy...they've been a blessing! Its been amazing watching them grow and develop into sisters and women of the Lord. I've seen how very different women come together, serve together, and love each other...there is hope for this exact thing to happen at Salisbury.

 Matt came to visit one weekend :) We went to Assateague for a bonfire and worship...it was beautiful!

 Again the sun setting on the bay...sitting and watching was breathtaking!

 Our staff hunt!!

 All of the single staff women at a Shorebirds game in Salisbury :) Aren't they just gorgeous?! These women have been another blessing. Being on a team with mature women to look up to has been a huge answer to prayer for me!

 My love and one of my best friends Sammie is here with me this summer!!! What a blessing :) Watching her grow and develop into more of a woman of God has been incredible and I'm excited to see how she changes and grows over the next 5 weeks without me here!

This picture was taken after the students were debriefing from their first outreach event. Praying together and rejoicing in what the Lord had done!

Yada

The theme for the women this year at OCMD has been ‘yada.’ Yada is what my staff team has been pouring into these women and reminding them over and over again. It has been the content we have been discussing in women’s time and is how we brought closure to them today on Women’s Day.

Yada is an old Hebrew word that means to know, to be known, and to be deeply respected. While most use the term as far as sex goes, our staff team brought a whole new understanding and perspective to the student women. As Christian women, we all long to be loved, to be known, and to have a deep emotional longing in our hearts to be satisfied…most of the time we long for men to fill that. However, our God fulfills us even more than men ever will or can because of yada. In the book we have been reading the author explains yada in quite lame terms: “Yada is a word that transcends the physical. It describes the whole knowing of a person. It portrays an uncovering and an embrace of the nakedness of another. There is no secrets, and nothing held back.” And our Father does just that…

God knows me, he makes me known among others, and he deeply respects me. I can’t really explain any of this through my own words and the piece of scripture that just keeps returning in my mind over and over again is John 10:14-15 “I am the good shepherd; I know (yada) my sheep and my sheep know (yada) me–just as the Father knows (yada) me and I know (yada) the Father–I lay down my life for the sheep.” If you take the time to actually re-read this passage over again by placing the word ‘yada’ for the word ‘know,’ you will understand the significance and meaning of these verses so much more! Yada…to know, to be known, and to be deeply respected: Jesus knows me, makes me known, and deeply respects me, just like God knows me, makes me known, and deeply respects me.

After being here for 5 weeks, I know the meaning of yada has radically transformed my relationship with the Lord and how I now view what real love is. I desire to know, to be known, and to be deeply respected by a man of the Lord. I know a man will NEVER satisfy and fulfill me like my God does, BUT I know what I deserve and what God truly wants and desires for me as well. …What does yada mean to you? Are you known and deeply respected?

2 weeks left!

I cannot believe there are only TWO weeks left. It is crazy how fast time is going. I wake up every morning with much determination to accomplish whatever it is God has entrusted me with and I go to bed exhausted and thrilled at what I am learning, how I am growing, and just the joy of this whole experience. My heart is eager to serve in whatever way and just walk more intimately with my Lord and Savior.
This week has been quite busy! Every night there is something going on, which leaves me in anticipation because I never know how God is going to use me and I’m always so excited to see how the students respond to what is going on. It has been amazing watching the students interact with one another and just observing what is going on.

Sunday nights we gather as a project for prayer. This Sunday we were taught ways that we connect most to God. For me, I love the solitude and simplicity of God, which is called ascetic. I also love being alone with God and meditating on his love, intimacy, and heart, which is called contemplative. There are of course other ways people connect to God but these were mine. After this we were “released” to pray alone. However, Jenna and I came back to the Darby and talked with Chrissi for a few hours about relationships, engagement, love, etc. It was REALLY encouraging and good to hear from these women and just talk about life together.
Mondays for the most part are spent alone. Every Monday morning we have a staff meeting from 9-12. In the meeting we discuss Jonah, pray, and talk about our ministry teams. It has been so encouraging being on a staff team that is supportive, teachable, and willing to grow. This experience has been really healthy for me and I’m excited because I have learned so much about myself and others. After this I have the afternoon pretty much free and a lot of times the Darby girls go to the Hilton, where we have free summer passes!!! Its nice to just relax and not think about anything. Monday nights are spent with training from CoJourners and then reflection night for the women and men’s time for the men. Reflection night for me has been so influential and vital. I have really been able to start to forgive myself and just realize how much I held onto…I’m finally letting go of a lot and I’m breaking free from many things of my past. God is really healing me! It is nice to just sit in his presence without my phone, music, or noise and reflect on all he has been teaching me and I have been experiencing.

Tuesdays are spent planning ALL morning for bible study, one-on-one appointments, and ministry team. Yesterday I spent from 9 to 12:30 planning and then met with two of my girls. It is very tiring but so rewarding. I have been able to meet my girls where they are and just learn to rely on the Holy Spirit for words of wisdom. It has been cool being able to pour truth into their lives and help them process what is going on. My small group is bonding SO well and just watching them connect, bond, and love one another has been beautiful. I am so excited to hear what happens in their relationships together after I leave. I am confident that they will remain sisters for years to come!

Wednesday mornings are spent praying for our project and specifically students. It has been very powerful in my life to pray and then watch those prayers come to life. God really does answer prayers if they are lifted up together! In the afternoon, the staff women go out to lunch together and that has also been so fruitful! Being on a team with mature women of God has allowed me to believe and hope in authentic relationships that I have been craving. I trust all of the women I am serving with and we all have such a passion to see the women bond, grow, and develop. I know part of my healing process has been because of these beautiful, passionate, and humble women. At night we have family night, which Jenna is leading. Michael gives some really encouraging talks that make all the students think. It is fun being together, worshiping, and learning.

Thursdays are spent in staff development led by Michael. We also have some staff fun in there as well! In the afternoons I have time for appointments or to plan/relax. At 5:30 the project comes together with working dinners. Each table is given a problem that comes up in ministry and then discusses that problem and ways to resolve it. After this the women have women’s time and the men have reflection time. Last Thursday at women’s time we made charts and each of us wrote lies we believe and then for the rest of the time we all went around and poured truths into one another by writing the truth that cancels out the lie…it was powerful and just the beginning to God breaking us down. I also did this at Hampton Beach but this time it was more powerful and hit me because the lies we all struggle with are so common, something I didn’t notice last year. It breaks my heart that as women we believe deceptive lies and they affect our thinking. But, now, there’s room for healing and new beginnings. I LOVE seeing the women relate to each other and growing vulnerable. It is always so inspiring to see women who have a passion to want to bond and take the necessary actions to make it happen.

Fridays I have FREE!!!! This Friday my roommate Becky came to visit me and I got burnt really bad but had such a fun time with her. We caught up and just were real with each other. Friday night our staff team went to Salisbury to a Shorebirds game. It was fun to hang out and laugh a lot together!

Saturday morning I usually sleep in til about 9 and then in the afternoons we have outreach. Being here is very different from Hampton because people are open to hearing about Jesus and want life change. They love to talk and it is very easy to strike up a conversation with them! I have gotten into multiple conversations where people want to go through the KGP and Soularium. We also have our community time on Saturdays. We went to Assateague and had a bonfire on the beach. It was SO beautiful to see everyone worshiping the creator of everything on the beach. It was very peaceful and so far a highlight for everyone. Matt also came this weekend and it was different because he was here last year as a student. I enjoyed being able to show him everything that I have been soaking up and it was such a blessing to spend time with him! We were able to see each other twice before August this summer, which never happens!

That is how my weekly schedule here in Ocean City is…quite busy as you can tell! I am still enjoying being here and even though I am exhausted at the end of the day, I don’t want to be anywhere else doing anything else. I love this experience and opportunity, it is SUCH A BLESSING!!!

Joyful week

As my second week is pretty much over, I have been able to experience quite a lot of joy. Although the pace of summer project is so intense and I feel as though all I do is plan, meet up with my girls, and lead, I am finding so much joy through what I am doing.

This week I have met with 3 of my girls so far one-on-one and all three appointments have been so full of the Spirit. I really want to meet my girls where they are and shed truth and light into their lives. Rebecca is a bible study leader at Virginia Tech and knows many of my Tech sisters from HBSP, which is so wonderful and I feel connected to her in that way. Our time together was so great! She loves to talk and I love to hear what she has to say. Bailee is a sweet, fun, loving girl from Iowa who has never been discipled before. I was ecstatic when she told me this because discipling women happens to be my absolute favorite thing to do in ministry! We went over what the spirit filled life really is and looks like and she is already starting to make big decisions just from that one time together. BriAnna is awesome! She came to project not really talking to anyone BUT she has come out of her shell and when she is in a room full of people, she will all of a sudden say something sarcastic, which makes me crack up. I am really excited to hang out with her more and get to know her better. I haven’t met with Bethaney yet BUT she LOVES Duke, how perfect for us?! Haha, she has such a huge heart for the lost and I’m looking forward to sharing with her. She also is dating a man in the military, so we share a heart for that as well. I literally feel as though God has given me these girls for a specific reason. Although they are all so different, they all do love the Lord with their whole hearts, souls, and minds, and parts of my life and personality fit right in with theirs.

This week I also led a bible study, which is always kind of iffy for me because I don’t normally lead a bible study. BUT it went so well! We are going over Jonah. This week our study consisted of obedience and fear. When we disobey God, our fear is not genuine. However, when we obey God our fear is genuine. The girls really enjoyed that connection and we even got to talk about religion around the world, which was a really cool discussion to have.

I am really excited to be here. This is such a highlight of my year! The opportunity is endless and amazing, I know from now on whatever opportunity God presents me with, I am going to take it and run with it…I don’t want to miss out on something that produces life change anymore!

New beginnings and new endings

Whenever something new begins there are hesitations, concerns, and fears–its natural. I always find myself not liking what this new beginning is because at first I hate change. However, as I begin to enjoy a new beginning, I find that old fears, feelings, concerns, and hesitations are wiped away and I move on. On to better and bigger things and I find myself experiencing and doing things way out of my comfort zone and actually enjoying them!

At the end of my second week here at OCMD, God has really challenged me and forced me to do things way out of my comfort zone. Now, as an extreme introvert, these things may not seem as radical as say jumping off a cliff, but at times during this week that has been the feeling inside of me! My four girls arrived Tuesday and I was SO excited to finally meet them face to face and were they all so excited. I am thrilled to be a part of how God is going to work in and through them this summer and watch them grow and take steps of faith. The first day we were here we went out sharing and one of my girls took the lead in approaching a woman, I was so proud…I felt like a mom on the side of a soccer field cheering for her child. Our conversation went great and come to find out the woman is a Christian, which gave the two girls I was with confidence and encouragement. I can already tell that people here are open to sharing their faith. Last summer in Hampton, I experienced an extreme dry season and was turned down over and over again but I feel as though God was preparing me because now I am experiencing a ripe season and people are open to talking about their spirituality…its pretty wild!

One of the new beginnings that I am facing right now is leading a ministry team. At school, I plan so much so I knew I didn’t want to lead the community, family night, or prayer team because I already do those things. I took a step of faith and decided to lead the stewardship/operations team. Now, I know to most this doesn’t sound appealing but God has given me a passion for administrative things, cleaning, and really taught me how to be a good steward of my time, money, and resources. I had to give a brief overview of my ministry team yesterday morning and I was so scared because I know this is always the least appealing and popular team BUT I tried to make it seem vital and I guess I did because two of the men and one woman actually joined my team!!! PRAISE GOD!  Then, during my meeting I started talking but the three just took right over and it is such a God thing. I am SO excited to see these students take over and be leaders. They have already proven themselves leaders and understand the team is a balance between correction and encouragement. Last night I also shared my testimony with the students to model what a 3-5 minute testimony looks like. I was extremely nervous but did it and have conquered that fear.I also got to talk about Marc again, which always brings me so much JOY!

God has helped me overcome so many fears already. I have taken, what seems to me, leaps of faith. I am learning to be confident in myself as a God-appointed leader and to not be afraid to speak up and give direction. I feel as though I have tossed away some of my insecurities and allowed myself to try new things. I am so excited to get back to Salisbury and be the leader God is turning me into. I know God is forcing me to do things that I don’t like to do but he is truly forming a godly woman. He is taking me out of my comfort zone and placing me in what seems, at times, uncertainty. I know if I continue to allow him to use me and not be afraid to step up and lead, he will enrich me and bless whatever it is he has entrusted me with…excited to see all he has left in store for me while here in Ocean City!

Here in OC

Monday morning I woke up about 5 times before I decided I couldn’t sleep anymore and just need to embrace the day I had been waiting for since I found out I was going to be serving as a student-staff intern with Crusade this summer. I spent the next few hours at my uncle’s house impatient and eager to just leave! All the way to Ocean City I just kept thinking of what an amazing opportunity the Lord has given me and how excited and nervous I am to be doing something I think I may want to spend the rest of my life doing.
The arrival: I hear Jane (GPS) tell me to take a right and I “have arrived at my destination.” OHMYGOODNESS this is actually REAL! I turn into the parking lot, pull out my cell phone, and with my shaking fingers text Matt. I take a deep breath, open my car door, and take the next twenty or so steps towards 503 N. Philadelphia Ave. I walk up the steps and meet Michael Frey…I think because he was excited to meet me and see me, it made me feel so much more at ease! A few moments later other staff women arrived and then I saw a friendly face, Jenna. For the next few hours I moved some of my things into the 3 Jacks and just hung out with my team. I even get an OC Project half zip fleece! We had dinner in the Darby Manor, where I will be moving on Saturday and staying at.

Monday-Wednesday: Most of what I have been doing has been orientation things, which I have liked a lot! It is so interesting experiencing the different styles of projects. Hampton Beach was similar in ways but differed greatly at the same time. I am learning more of what it means to be a leader full of faith. Its interesting because we are starting with the goal in mind (where we want the students to be aka Christ centered laborers ready to be movement launchers) and going from there. Today we also chose the ministry teams we will be leading and I’m excited because mine is quite different from anything I have ever done before but I’m willing to do it and eager to have students.

It is very weird without the students being here. I am VERY EAGER for my girls that I will be discipling to arrive on Tuesday! I’m excited to see how God is going to use me and move through their lives to produce life change. This whole experience is incredible. I cannot believe I am actually here doing what I one day hope to do. I know God wants me here because I’ve raised a little over my initial goal! The other women are so godly and I finally have excellent women of God to look up to and learn from. I cannot wait until we share our life stories on Thursday and just really get to know one another. I feel so blessed to be here and really cannot believe this is my JOB for the next 6 weeks…pretty amazing job if you ask me!

His peace and comfort

Like anyone in the world, there are people and things that supply me with comfort and strip all fear, worry, and pain away. These people, or things, are constant in my life…they’re always here when I need them. However, if God has taught me one important thing this past school year it has been when comfort “things” are stripped away, our faith and his character are the ONLY things in this world that can comfort us.
These past few days have been different. I ended finals on Tuesday and arrived at my uncle’s house on Wednesday night. I leave tomorrow for Ocean City to prepare for the students who will arrive in a little over a week. Usually at the end of every year my mom flies down and helps me pack up. However, this year she was not able to make it and I am on my own.

Being alone is one of my biggest fears in life. I LOVE being around others. So much so that if I’m alone in my apartment for more than an hour, I start to worry and become lonely. This week, God has been my comfort and peace. He has supplied me with all I have needed to make it through these few days without my mom, without the normal end of the year routine of going back to New Hampshire, without Matt, without friends, my cat, etc.

I have been reading 1 Corinthians and I just love this book because it addresses so many issues about my faith! It is wild. I love the idea that Christ is the only perfect love that exists. All love fails when compared to Christ’s love. As a woman, it is so easy to get distracted by your relationship with a man you think has it all, when in reality, he fails just like ANY OTHER PERSON. I so often want to cling to Matt for my security, my help, my comfort, my love, etc. but I know that Christ is the only one who can quench my thirst and supply me with unconditional love ALL THE TIME. 1 Corinthians also addresses the whole idea of standing firm in your faith. If there is one thing to remember before I head to Ocean City to carry out his will it is this: hold firm to his truths. As a woman, who others will look up to, I desperately want to hold firm to his truths and pour out his word to these women. I want to be bold and faithfully live out his word that he has provided for us! The only way I am going to be able to do this is by focusing on how he completes me and how my peace and comfort are found through him alone. Psalm 145 sums it up quite a bit! I LOVE this psalm…its the one psalm that always gives me hope and reassures me of so much…

I will exalt you, my God the King;
I will praise your name for ever and ever.
Every day I will praise you
and extol your name for ever and ever.
Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise;
his greatness no one can fathom.
One generation commends your works to another;
they tell of your mighty acts.
They speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty—
and I will meditate on your wonderful works.
They tell of the power of your awesome works—
and I will proclaim your great deeds.
They celebrate your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of your righteousness.
The LORD is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and rich in love.
The LORD is good to all;
he has compassion on all he has made.
All your works praise you, LORD;
your faithful people extol you.
They tell of the glory of your kingdom
and speak of your might,
so that all people may know of your mighty acts
and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.
Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
and your dominion endures through all generations.
The LORD is trustworthy in all he promises
and faithful in all he does.
The LORD upholds all who fall
and lifts up all who are bowed down.
The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food at the proper time.
You open your hand
and satisfy the desires of every living thing.
The LORD is righteous in all his ways
and faithful in all he does.
The LORD is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
he hears their cry and saves them.
The LORD watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked he will destroy.
My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD.
Let every creature praise his holy name
for ever and ever.

He is slow to anger. He is abounding in love. He hears my cries. He is good to all. I will meditate on his wonderful works. He is RICH in love. His kingdom is everlasting. He lifts up all who are bowed down. He is near to all who call. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him…how comforting and peaceful my God is!

Off to Summer Project again!

So I know I have not posted on here in a very long time. It is crazy how busy life can get and how things like blogging become lost. This semester I have really gained such a heart for spending time with my Heavenly Father over getting on the computer, talking on the phone, and sometimes even hanging out with people. There is something about spending time with my Abba that fulfills me in ways no one else here on earth ever will!

My summer is going to be quite different, yet again from “a normal one.” I went home for spring break at the end of March and I couldn’t find a job ANYWHERE. I guess that is what I get from living in a small, town surrounded by mountains with only local businesses. While I do LOVE where I live because of the beauty, there is little for me to do there. I came back to school not knowing what to do. After a perfect internship was lined up for me, it fell through. I was feeling pretty discouraged so I leaned to my comfort–applying for a summer camp counselor position. However, I received an e-mail from my staff here at Salisbury informing me that the Ocean City Summer Project needed another female student leader. Its funny that this happened because back in January I wanted to apply for a student staff position, I just didn’t know where? I prayed and felt the Lord calling me to apply…I was accepted 3 days later! PRAISE GOD.

As I embark on this next adventure with God, I am excited. I know God is going to use me and work through me. After leading women’s ministry for a year and joining the leadership team for a semester, I feel somewhat prepared. Although God always takes me by surprise and I am often never prepared until I am walking with him through whatever it may be. I am so joyful to be able to serve on the OCMDSP team with other godly men and women. I know this experience will help me decide if joining staff with Crusade is something I will want to do next year. I feel so blessed to be able to pour into other women. I know after being in Hampton Beach for a full 10 weeks last summer, that this experience will once again fill me up for another full year of student-led ministry at Salisbury and renew me with new insights, ideas, and strength. I think the thing I am most looking forward to is pouring into the women I will be discipling, leading a bible study, and training. The one thing I am most passionate about in ministry is the heart Jesus has for women. In the Bible Jesus often talks about women. In fact, while at the time everyone else condemned women and found them a disgrace, Jesus loved them and healed them. His heart for women is undeniable and something I think so many men and even some women don’t realize. Jesus talked about women in his parables and at the cross, the women were the first and last ones! When Jesus came back, he FIRST talked to Mary as well…how crazy! He wanted Mary to go and tell his disciples. It just blows my mind. It truly leaves me speechless. I feel blessed to have an ounce of Jesus’ heart for women. In my prayers for these godly women I will be discipling, God has already given me such a heart. While I do not know their names, who they are, or their stories, I have begun to pray for them daily. I know God has led them to OCMD for a reason and I cannot wait to hear their stories of how they got there and how God has radically transformed their lives.

I think being a woman in this world is so difficult at times. I remember last summer right before I was about to leave I felt so anxious and doubted I was doing what “was right”…because to the world what I was about to do was crazy. But praise God for the life-change on HBSP and how he showed me who I truly am in Christ and that my identity is found no where else besides through him. He is my Prince of Peace and my Comforter. He picks me up out of my darkest moments and leads me back to his path of light. He satisfies my like no other man ever can or will. He is my lover and my Father. I am hoping the students are as excited about what God is going to do through them and how he is going to change them. I feel so blessed to be able to almost take a step back this year and watch how the students are changing. God has literally given me such an interesting perspective this summer and I cannot WAIT!

God has again stripped me of money worries. Two weeks ago I had $300, after a crazy story, I now have $288 OVER the amount I had to raise! This is again confirmation that God definitely wants me in OCMD as student staff. Its funny how each year I have had to raise support, God somehow surprises me one way or another. Last year I had all my support raised by April, which was golden for me but that was also the time when Satan began having a stronghold in my life and attacking every small thing he could because I let him. This year, while I was accepted very late and almost last minute, I felt doubtful I could raise the amount in such a short amount of time. Well, God did it again! He provided me in full with money to pay for food 1.5 weeks before I am to report to OCMD! PRAISE HIM! I know after raising support for two summer projects, if he is calling me to join staff next year, he will provide. Trusting in all his timing and ways and having hope in the people he loves overcomes all fear, all worry, all doubt, and lies.

While I am very very excited, I am also nervous. After leading all year in a student-led ministry, I have seen the ups and downs, the successes and failures. It has been rough but also so awesome to see God at work and be a part of it all. The one thing I truly admire in a person is godly wisdom and pure truth from the bible. I want to do just this for the women God has entrusted me with. I want to pour truth into them and be a godly woman they trust and look up to. I think the thing that makes me most nervous is just personality clashes. BUT, I DO KNOW that personalities mean nothing…the love of God conquers all. If people have the same mind set and goals, (to follow God and strive to honor and live out his word) then it doesn’t matter who you are or what kind of person you are. I pray I can pour out the love of God into these women. I know it is going to be different at first but I also know God wouldn’t have led me to OCMDSP or provided me with money if he didn’t believe and know I can be that woman of God he desires me to be, the woman after his heart.

I will try to blog at the end of each week to tell of all God has been doing in my life and the lives of the students at OCMDSP. I am excited for all that God is going to do and looking forward to helping take a part in furthering his kingdom yet again in a more fruitful part of the United States!

God's Love

Lately, I have been consumed by how much the Lord truly loves me and how he pursues me. It is crazy to even grasp an ounce of how much God seeks me each day and to think I understand, is unimaginable. I find myself thinking I understand but then fall in a state of aweness and of how much he truly does seek me! It blows my mind. God seeks me even when I turn from him and he picks me up out of the pit I am in. He calls me his beloved and he is enthralled by my beauty. The word enthralled means to captivate or charm. To think that God is captivated by the things I do and who I am, what I look like, and how I am living my life drives me crazy! I am still so sinful but just the fact that God, the creator of the universe, finds me so attractive and revealing is beautiful and unique and a love story all within itself.

The Psalms have been giving me so much comfort and revealing God’s beauty and my worth to him through the past month. His Word has revealed his strength and passion for me. My strength, courage, being, and praise comes from him. He is my guide, my father, my everlasting King and lover. As his Word says in Psalm 55, “But I call to God, and the Lord saves me. Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.” God hears my desperateness for him and he continues to guide me, pick me up, save me, and walk with me on the path he is lighting for my life. God fulfills my purpose (Psalm 57) and my soul finds rest in him (Psalm 62).

Another huge revelation from God has been the idea that when I cling to him, he will give me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37). When truly walking with the Lord and clinging to him for our everything, we become attached and intimate. He becomes not only our best friend but also our lover. I cannot help but deny walking in tune with the Holy Spirit is the answer to this reason. We become dependent on our Father who grants us all the strength, safety, and compassion we need in order to serve ourselves as well as others better. I am more in awe of who God is today than on the first day I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. God fulfills me and satisfies me better than any man ever will on this earth. He is my lover and I am his (Song of Songs 2:16).

My question for you: Are you seeking your God fully for your satisfaction, food, and everything? He should be your source of life…

God as my refiner

When thinking of what people do, a silversmith does not typically pop into my head. Most of the time, job titles such as teachers, trainers, administrators, dentists and doctors consume my mind almost instantly. But after thinking about what a silversmith does, my mind found a parallel between a silversmith and God…
A silversmith refines silver. He places a piece of silver into the middle of a burning flame to burn out all impurities. Immediately the first parallel came into thought: I am placed in the middle of a flame (a trial/struggle) to burn away my impurities, or sin. God is my refiner because He is helping me and purifying the daughter that I am. A silversmith also has to watch the silver the whole time it is being refined because if he doesn’t, the silver will be destroyed. The second parallel: God is with me through my trials and struggles, holding me closely and directing me what to do. Lastly, a silversmith knows his silver is done when he can see his reflection. The third parallel: I should mirror God’s character. It is through my trials and “fires” that I am refined and purified to be more like God.

It is crazy to think that in exchange for my sin, His grace saves and builds me. I cannot be defeated by Satan’s lies or the strongholds in this world, when I have God. In my moments of despair and lowest points, God is STILL working through me. Its sometimes hard to believe that through these times, God is changing me for the good and refining me to be more like Him. God is equipping me with His character and strength. He is preparing me for more of life’s struggles. I know while I am here on earth, I will struggle always BUT each time something comes up, I will be better prepared to handle and endure the trial, how beautiful!

Malachi 3:3 “He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver…” God is sitting, watching and changing me. My hope rests assured in Him and my despair is replaced with His surpassing peace.

Joy of the Lord

For the past two days, I’ve just had no desire to pick up my Bible and read it, which is odd because since I’ve arrived home from Maryland, I haven’t been able to put it down. But, we all go through times like this. I’ve been sitting in bed for about an hour just listening to worship music and cannot help but deny listening to music praising Jesus not only allows us to reflect on Him but also brings us utter joy. 

One of my favorite artists is Bethany Dillon. I love her voice, it is so soothing and comforting and the way she talks about “her king” is so peaceful and true. Along with Bethany Dillon, I love Hillsong, the Bridge Band, Chris Tomlin and Tenth Avenue North. However, I’ve been becoming a huge fan of Casting Crowns. I just listened to “Praise You in This Storm.” The Lyrics:

“I was sure by now

God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth.”

I can’t help but think of how often I try to control what happens in my life and fix it instead of letting my God fix it. God also works in His own timing and while I want my problems fixed, sometimes it still rains and those problems aren’t solved. This song is so real and allows me to praise God in that no matter what I’m struggling through, I will praise Him because He is with me every step of joy, pain, suffering, hurt, happiness, love, disappointment, worry, doubt, nervousness, etc. etc. How amazing is that?! I love the last verse…my help comes from the Lord, always.

God has restored my joy. Jesus’ sacrifice pierces my heart and reminds me of who I am. Jesus has allowed me the joy I feel from simply knowing who He is and what He has done for me…renewed peace and joy. I am so thankful for the cross and the meaning of true love. I have faith in my Savior and that faith gives me complete joy and peace as well as the best love story in all of existence! Praise Jesus if you haven’t today and just reflect on who He is, sit down and let your mind focus on Him, away from the distractions of this world and your life…you’ll be amazed.

Fulfillment as a woman

As humans, we find fulfillment through many different things, some healthy and some not so healthy. Fulfillment is also something that can leave us feeling satisfied or after awhile not so satisfied. After being a Christian for almost three years, I’ve come to the conclusion that only one person and one thing can give me complete, satisfactory fulfillment–Jesus Christ.

For the past week, I’ve been focusing on spirit-filled and God-centered relationships with the opposite sex. For so many years, I had this wrong and I kick myself in the butt for even doing and thinking the things I experienced! A relationship with a guy is hard to balance in today’s society. Its especially hard when there is such a worldview on how relationships are “supposed” to function and look like. It breaks my heart that so many women turn towards men for pleasure or just to have a “status.” This of course just adds another reason why I love reaching out to lost women 

Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord, He will give you the desires of your heart.” After reading and pondering over this simple verse for about 45 minutes one day, I came to this realization: God cannot fulfill my desires until He becomes my delight 100%. When my mind and actions are not focused around Him, the other things in my life, aka my relationship, will not be satisfying nor fulfilling. God offers and fills me with delight, all I must do is seek Him and surrender to Him. This verse adds even more…Jesus fulfills ALL of my desires, even when my boyfriend fails. Of course my boyfriend will fail, he is human and why I’d like to think he’s Mr. Perfect and never messes up, he will and does, which only leaves me unfulfilled. So many times I’d like to think he could give me all the time and energy but he simply cannot BUT Jesus can. Finding fulfillment in Jesus will allow me to selflessly love my boyfriend. Finding joy and completeness in Jesus carries over into my relationship. However, Jesus will not give me the desires of my heart until I am delighted in Him COMPLETELY.

Why do women find fulfillment in other things? The answer: We find fulfillment in other things because we are yearning for acceptance and love and happiness. We want to feel special and wanted. In all honesty, this is why I find fulfillment in my boyfriend. But its so wrong. Finding fulfillment in the Lord brings even more happiness and acceptance and love than in any relationship with any guy. How? It starts with surrendering completely to Him–something I’ve been striving for all break. It involves turning towards Him in times of weary, stress, sadness, hurt, loneliness, etc. etc. You see, once finding fulfillment in Jesus alone, our expectations die and we no longer have a world view in how relationships are supposed to work…we no longer look for results because we know that only our Savior can present and provide us with what we need and want.

Its the cry of my heart that every woman, no matter how old or young, learns and meditates on this simple idea: satisfaction through the Lord will bring you fulfillment in all aspects of your life. As for Christian women who are in relationships, we should be living our relationships with men with Christ as the center BUT we should also be doing this out of love for our King, a simple act.