Pictures worth a thousand words

 This the room I have been staying in...I'm sharing it with the other student staff Jenna! The 4 interns are living together in The Darby, which has been another wonderful blessing!

 Two of my small group girls are sharing soularium with people.

 During my quiet time on the bay the sun was setting and I just had to take a shot! Sooo beautiful!

 Jenna has been a HUGE blessing in my life! She came here last summer as a student and returned as student staff. We have gotten very close and have shared many many many memories here.

 This is my small group :) These girls are all so different but love one another like crazy...they've been a blessing! Its been amazing watching them grow and develop into sisters and women of the Lord. I've seen how very different women come together, serve together, and love each other...there is hope for this exact thing to happen at Salisbury.

 Matt came to visit one weekend :) We went to Assateague for a bonfire and worship...it was beautiful!

 Again the sun setting on the bay...sitting and watching was breathtaking!

 Our staff hunt!!

 All of the single staff women at a Shorebirds game in Salisbury :) Aren't they just gorgeous?! These women have been another blessing. Being on a team with mature women to look up to has been a huge answer to prayer for me!

 My love and one of my best friends Sammie is here with me this summer!!! What a blessing :) Watching her grow and develop into more of a woman of God has been incredible and I'm excited to see how she changes and grows over the next 5 weeks without me here!

This picture was taken after the students were debriefing from their first outreach event. Praying together and rejoicing in what the Lord had done!

Yada

The theme for the women this year at OCMD has been ‘yada.’ Yada is what my staff team has been pouring into these women and reminding them over and over again. It has been the content we have been discussing in women’s time and is how we brought closure to them today on Women’s Day.

Yada is an old Hebrew word that means to know, to be known, and to be deeply respected. While most use the term as far as sex goes, our staff team brought a whole new understanding and perspective to the student women. As Christian women, we all long to be loved, to be known, and to have a deep emotional longing in our hearts to be satisfied…most of the time we long for men to fill that. However, our God fulfills us even more than men ever will or can because of yada. In the book we have been reading the author explains yada in quite lame terms: “Yada is a word that transcends the physical. It describes the whole knowing of a person. It portrays an uncovering and an embrace of the nakedness of another. There is no secrets, and nothing held back.” And our Father does just that…

God knows me, he makes me known among others, and he deeply respects me. I can’t really explain any of this through my own words and the piece of scripture that just keeps returning in my mind over and over again is John 10:14-15 “I am the good shepherd; I know (yada) my sheep and my sheep know (yada) me–just as the Father knows (yada) me and I know (yada) the Father–I lay down my life for the sheep.” If you take the time to actually re-read this passage over again by placing the word ‘yada’ for the word ‘know,’ you will understand the significance and meaning of these verses so much more! Yada…to know, to be known, and to be deeply respected: Jesus knows me, makes me known, and deeply respects me, just like God knows me, makes me known, and deeply respects me.

After being here for 5 weeks, I know the meaning of yada has radically transformed my relationship with the Lord and how I now view what real love is. I desire to know, to be known, and to be deeply respected by a man of the Lord. I know a man will NEVER satisfy and fulfill me like my God does, BUT I know what I deserve and what God truly wants and desires for me as well. …What does yada mean to you? Are you known and deeply respected?

2 weeks left!

I cannot believe there are only TWO weeks left. It is crazy how fast time is going. I wake up every morning with much determination to accomplish whatever it is God has entrusted me with and I go to bed exhausted and thrilled at what I am learning, how I am growing, and just the joy of this whole experience. My heart is eager to serve in whatever way and just walk more intimately with my Lord and Savior.
This week has been quite busy! Every night there is something going on, which leaves me in anticipation because I never know how God is going to use me and I’m always so excited to see how the students respond to what is going on. It has been amazing watching the students interact with one another and just observing what is going on.

Sunday nights we gather as a project for prayer. This Sunday we were taught ways that we connect most to God. For me, I love the solitude and simplicity of God, which is called ascetic. I also love being alone with God and meditating on his love, intimacy, and heart, which is called contemplative. There are of course other ways people connect to God but these were mine. After this we were “released” to pray alone. However, Jenna and I came back to the Darby and talked with Chrissi for a few hours about relationships, engagement, love, etc. It was REALLY encouraging and good to hear from these women and just talk about life together.
Mondays for the most part are spent alone. Every Monday morning we have a staff meeting from 9-12. In the meeting we discuss Jonah, pray, and talk about our ministry teams. It has been so encouraging being on a staff team that is supportive, teachable, and willing to grow. This experience has been really healthy for me and I’m excited because I have learned so much about myself and others. After this I have the afternoon pretty much free and a lot of times the Darby girls go to the Hilton, where we have free summer passes!!! Its nice to just relax and not think about anything. Monday nights are spent with training from CoJourners and then reflection night for the women and men’s time for the men. Reflection night for me has been so influential and vital. I have really been able to start to forgive myself and just realize how much I held onto…I’m finally letting go of a lot and I’m breaking free from many things of my past. God is really healing me! It is nice to just sit in his presence without my phone, music, or noise and reflect on all he has been teaching me and I have been experiencing.

Tuesdays are spent planning ALL morning for bible study, one-on-one appointments, and ministry team. Yesterday I spent from 9 to 12:30 planning and then met with two of my girls. It is very tiring but so rewarding. I have been able to meet my girls where they are and just learn to rely on the Holy Spirit for words of wisdom. It has been cool being able to pour truth into their lives and help them process what is going on. My small group is bonding SO well and just watching them connect, bond, and love one another has been beautiful. I am so excited to hear what happens in their relationships together after I leave. I am confident that they will remain sisters for years to come!

Wednesday mornings are spent praying for our project and specifically students. It has been very powerful in my life to pray and then watch those prayers come to life. God really does answer prayers if they are lifted up together! In the afternoon, the staff women go out to lunch together and that has also been so fruitful! Being on a team with mature women of God has allowed me to believe and hope in authentic relationships that I have been craving. I trust all of the women I am serving with and we all have such a passion to see the women bond, grow, and develop. I know part of my healing process has been because of these beautiful, passionate, and humble women. At night we have family night, which Jenna is leading. Michael gives some really encouraging talks that make all the students think. It is fun being together, worshiping, and learning.

Thursdays are spent in staff development led by Michael. We also have some staff fun in there as well! In the afternoons I have time for appointments or to plan/relax. At 5:30 the project comes together with working dinners. Each table is given a problem that comes up in ministry and then discusses that problem and ways to resolve it. After this the women have women’s time and the men have reflection time. Last Thursday at women’s time we made charts and each of us wrote lies we believe and then for the rest of the time we all went around and poured truths into one another by writing the truth that cancels out the lie…it was powerful and just the beginning to God breaking us down. I also did this at Hampton Beach but this time it was more powerful and hit me because the lies we all struggle with are so common, something I didn’t notice last year. It breaks my heart that as women we believe deceptive lies and they affect our thinking. But, now, there’s room for healing and new beginnings. I LOVE seeing the women relate to each other and growing vulnerable. It is always so inspiring to see women who have a passion to want to bond and take the necessary actions to make it happen.

Fridays I have FREE!!!! This Friday my roommate Becky came to visit me and I got burnt really bad but had such a fun time with her. We caught up and just were real with each other. Friday night our staff team went to Salisbury to a Shorebirds game. It was fun to hang out and laugh a lot together!

Saturday morning I usually sleep in til about 9 and then in the afternoons we have outreach. Being here is very different from Hampton because people are open to hearing about Jesus and want life change. They love to talk and it is very easy to strike up a conversation with them! I have gotten into multiple conversations where people want to go through the KGP and Soularium. We also have our community time on Saturdays. We went to Assateague and had a bonfire on the beach. It was SO beautiful to see everyone worshiping the creator of everything on the beach. It was very peaceful and so far a highlight for everyone. Matt also came this weekend and it was different because he was here last year as a student. I enjoyed being able to show him everything that I have been soaking up and it was such a blessing to spend time with him! We were able to see each other twice before August this summer, which never happens!

That is how my weekly schedule here in Ocean City is…quite busy as you can tell! I am still enjoying being here and even though I am exhausted at the end of the day, I don’t want to be anywhere else doing anything else. I love this experience and opportunity, it is SUCH A BLESSING!!!

Joyful week

As my second week is pretty much over, I have been able to experience quite a lot of joy. Although the pace of summer project is so intense and I feel as though all I do is plan, meet up with my girls, and lead, I am finding so much joy through what I am doing.

This week I have met with 3 of my girls so far one-on-one and all three appointments have been so full of the Spirit. I really want to meet my girls where they are and shed truth and light into their lives. Rebecca is a bible study leader at Virginia Tech and knows many of my Tech sisters from HBSP, which is so wonderful and I feel connected to her in that way. Our time together was so great! She loves to talk and I love to hear what she has to say. Bailee is a sweet, fun, loving girl from Iowa who has never been discipled before. I was ecstatic when she told me this because discipling women happens to be my absolute favorite thing to do in ministry! We went over what the spirit filled life really is and looks like and she is already starting to make big decisions just from that one time together. BriAnna is awesome! She came to project not really talking to anyone BUT she has come out of her shell and when she is in a room full of people, she will all of a sudden say something sarcastic, which makes me crack up. I am really excited to hang out with her more and get to know her better. I haven’t met with Bethaney yet BUT she LOVES Duke, how perfect for us?! Haha, she has such a huge heart for the lost and I’m looking forward to sharing with her. She also is dating a man in the military, so we share a heart for that as well. I literally feel as though God has given me these girls for a specific reason. Although they are all so different, they all do love the Lord with their whole hearts, souls, and minds, and parts of my life and personality fit right in with theirs.

This week I also led a bible study, which is always kind of iffy for me because I don’t normally lead a bible study. BUT it went so well! We are going over Jonah. This week our study consisted of obedience and fear. When we disobey God, our fear is not genuine. However, when we obey God our fear is genuine. The girls really enjoyed that connection and we even got to talk about religion around the world, which was a really cool discussion to have.

I am really excited to be here. This is such a highlight of my year! The opportunity is endless and amazing, I know from now on whatever opportunity God presents me with, I am going to take it and run with it…I don’t want to miss out on something that produces life change anymore!

New beginnings and new endings

Whenever something new begins there are hesitations, concerns, and fears–its natural. I always find myself not liking what this new beginning is because at first I hate change. However, as I begin to enjoy a new beginning, I find that old fears, feelings, concerns, and hesitations are wiped away and I move on. On to better and bigger things and I find myself experiencing and doing things way out of my comfort zone and actually enjoying them!

At the end of my second week here at OCMD, God has really challenged me and forced me to do things way out of my comfort zone. Now, as an extreme introvert, these things may not seem as radical as say jumping off a cliff, but at times during this week that has been the feeling inside of me! My four girls arrived Tuesday and I was SO excited to finally meet them face to face and were they all so excited. I am thrilled to be a part of how God is going to work in and through them this summer and watch them grow and take steps of faith. The first day we were here we went out sharing and one of my girls took the lead in approaching a woman, I was so proud…I felt like a mom on the side of a soccer field cheering for her child. Our conversation went great and come to find out the woman is a Christian, which gave the two girls I was with confidence and encouragement. I can already tell that people here are open to sharing their faith. Last summer in Hampton, I experienced an extreme dry season and was turned down over and over again but I feel as though God was preparing me because now I am experiencing a ripe season and people are open to talking about their spirituality…its pretty wild!

One of the new beginnings that I am facing right now is leading a ministry team. At school, I plan so much so I knew I didn’t want to lead the community, family night, or prayer team because I already do those things. I took a step of faith and decided to lead the stewardship/operations team. Now, I know to most this doesn’t sound appealing but God has given me a passion for administrative things, cleaning, and really taught me how to be a good steward of my time, money, and resources. I had to give a brief overview of my ministry team yesterday morning and I was so scared because I know this is always the least appealing and popular team BUT I tried to make it seem vital and I guess I did because two of the men and one woman actually joined my team!!! PRAISE GOD!  Then, during my meeting I started talking but the three just took right over and it is such a God thing. I am SO excited to see these students take over and be leaders. They have already proven themselves leaders and understand the team is a balance between correction and encouragement. Last night I also shared my testimony with the students to model what a 3-5 minute testimony looks like. I was extremely nervous but did it and have conquered that fear.I also got to talk about Marc again, which always brings me so much JOY!

God has helped me overcome so many fears already. I have taken, what seems to me, leaps of faith. I am learning to be confident in myself as a God-appointed leader and to not be afraid to speak up and give direction. I feel as though I have tossed away some of my insecurities and allowed myself to try new things. I am so excited to get back to Salisbury and be the leader God is turning me into. I know God is forcing me to do things that I don’t like to do but he is truly forming a godly woman. He is taking me out of my comfort zone and placing me in what seems, at times, uncertainty. I know if I continue to allow him to use me and not be afraid to step up and lead, he will enrich me and bless whatever it is he has entrusted me with…excited to see all he has left in store for me while here in Ocean City!

Here in OC

Monday morning I woke up about 5 times before I decided I couldn’t sleep anymore and just need to embrace the day I had been waiting for since I found out I was going to be serving as a student-staff intern with Crusade this summer. I spent the next few hours at my uncle’s house impatient and eager to just leave! All the way to Ocean City I just kept thinking of what an amazing opportunity the Lord has given me and how excited and nervous I am to be doing something I think I may want to spend the rest of my life doing.
The arrival: I hear Jane (GPS) tell me to take a right and I “have arrived at my destination.” OHMYGOODNESS this is actually REAL! I turn into the parking lot, pull out my cell phone, and with my shaking fingers text Matt. I take a deep breath, open my car door, and take the next twenty or so steps towards 503 N. Philadelphia Ave. I walk up the steps and meet Michael Frey…I think because he was excited to meet me and see me, it made me feel so much more at ease! A few moments later other staff women arrived and then I saw a friendly face, Jenna. For the next few hours I moved some of my things into the 3 Jacks and just hung out with my team. I even get an OC Project half zip fleece! We had dinner in the Darby Manor, where I will be moving on Saturday and staying at.

Monday-Wednesday: Most of what I have been doing has been orientation things, which I have liked a lot! It is so interesting experiencing the different styles of projects. Hampton Beach was similar in ways but differed greatly at the same time. I am learning more of what it means to be a leader full of faith. Its interesting because we are starting with the goal in mind (where we want the students to be aka Christ centered laborers ready to be movement launchers) and going from there. Today we also chose the ministry teams we will be leading and I’m excited because mine is quite different from anything I have ever done before but I’m willing to do it and eager to have students.

It is very weird without the students being here. I am VERY EAGER for my girls that I will be discipling to arrive on Tuesday! I’m excited to see how God is going to use me and move through their lives to produce life change. This whole experience is incredible. I cannot believe I am actually here doing what I one day hope to do. I know God wants me here because I’ve raised a little over my initial goal! The other women are so godly and I finally have excellent women of God to look up to and learn from. I cannot wait until we share our life stories on Thursday and just really get to know one another. I feel so blessed to be here and really cannot believe this is my JOB for the next 6 weeks…pretty amazing job if you ask me!

His peace and comfort

Like anyone in the world, there are people and things that supply me with comfort and strip all fear, worry, and pain away. These people, or things, are constant in my life…they’re always here when I need them. However, if God has taught me one important thing this past school year it has been when comfort “things” are stripped away, our faith and his character are the ONLY things in this world that can comfort us.
These past few days have been different. I ended finals on Tuesday and arrived at my uncle’s house on Wednesday night. I leave tomorrow for Ocean City to prepare for the students who will arrive in a little over a week. Usually at the end of every year my mom flies down and helps me pack up. However, this year she was not able to make it and I am on my own.

Being alone is one of my biggest fears in life. I LOVE being around others. So much so that if I’m alone in my apartment for more than an hour, I start to worry and become lonely. This week, God has been my comfort and peace. He has supplied me with all I have needed to make it through these few days without my mom, without the normal end of the year routine of going back to New Hampshire, without Matt, without friends, my cat, etc.

I have been reading 1 Corinthians and I just love this book because it addresses so many issues about my faith! It is wild. I love the idea that Christ is the only perfect love that exists. All love fails when compared to Christ’s love. As a woman, it is so easy to get distracted by your relationship with a man you think has it all, when in reality, he fails just like ANY OTHER PERSON. I so often want to cling to Matt for my security, my help, my comfort, my love, etc. but I know that Christ is the only one who can quench my thirst and supply me with unconditional love ALL THE TIME. 1 Corinthians also addresses the whole idea of standing firm in your faith. If there is one thing to remember before I head to Ocean City to carry out his will it is this: hold firm to his truths. As a woman, who others will look up to, I desperately want to hold firm to his truths and pour out his word to these women. I want to be bold and faithfully live out his word that he has provided for us! The only way I am going to be able to do this is by focusing on how he completes me and how my peace and comfort are found through him alone. Psalm 145 sums it up quite a bit! I LOVE this psalm…its the one psalm that always gives me hope and reassures me of so much…

I will exalt you, my God the King;
I will praise your name for ever and ever.
Every day I will praise you
and extol your name for ever and ever.
Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise;
his greatness no one can fathom.
One generation commends your works to another;
they tell of your mighty acts.
They speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty—
and I will meditate on your wonderful works.
They tell of the power of your awesome works—
and I will proclaim your great deeds.
They celebrate your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of your righteousness.
The LORD is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and rich in love.
The LORD is good to all;
he has compassion on all he has made.
All your works praise you, LORD;
your faithful people extol you.
They tell of the glory of your kingdom
and speak of your might,
so that all people may know of your mighty acts
and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.
Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
and your dominion endures through all generations.
The LORD is trustworthy in all he promises
and faithful in all he does.
The LORD upholds all who fall
and lifts up all who are bowed down.
The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food at the proper time.
You open your hand
and satisfy the desires of every living thing.
The LORD is righteous in all his ways
and faithful in all he does.
The LORD is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
he hears their cry and saves them.
The LORD watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked he will destroy.
My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD.
Let every creature praise his holy name
for ever and ever.

He is slow to anger. He is abounding in love. He hears my cries. He is good to all. I will meditate on his wonderful works. He is RICH in love. His kingdom is everlasting. He lifts up all who are bowed down. He is near to all who call. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him…how comforting and peaceful my God is!